My annoying stories, that people seem to like
by Bandie24x7
Summary: As the title says... these are annoying stories that I come up with off the top of my head, then later wonder why the hell people actually like this, oh, well enjoy
1. Edward and the tulip

Okay this is a story/poem thing I wrote based on a little story I told one of my friends in band, on a really long bus ride... enjoy, this is the story of Edward the fairy (No Twilight references or anything) and his enchanted meadow. Another quick note, none of this is supposed to make sense, just saying.

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-Bandie24x7

In a small Village just outside an enchanted meadow, lived a fairy named Edward. Edward was shunned from the rest of the Village, because they were people, and he was a fairy. This made Edward depressed, making the people afraid that he was going to commit suicide. One day Edward was walking alone, outside of town, when he stumbled across the Enchanted Meadow. Upon entering the meadow he saw a female Tulip. He walked up to it and struck up a conversation. After a short amount of time, The Tulip and He became best friends, and shortly after that He fell in love with the Tulip. The Tulip fell in love with his sparkle in the sun (again no Twilight References.)

One day Edward went back to the meadow and saw his Tulip with a male flower. Edward became saddened even more than he was before, the wind began to blow, sending the male flower on top of Edward's tulip. This sent Edward into a rage. He flew to the Village, upon arriving he went to the butcher.

"Mr. Butcher, I need a knife," He said.

"From what I know about you, never," The butcher replied pushing Edward out.

Edward flew to the florist

"I need some weed killer, so I can tend to my garden," He said handing the nice woman some money.

"Sure Edward, here you go," She replied handing him the poison, "If that doesn't work come on back now," She continued as Edward flew away.

Edward went back to the meadow to see the two flowers still near each other. He ran up to his Tulip and ripped it out of the ground. He spread the poison on the male flower, it quickly burned away. He flew to his little home, and put his Tulip in a pot, and gave it enough soil so it could survive, and watered it each day. As time went on, Edward remembered the joy of killing the male flower, and winning his Tulip back.

He sat in his house for a few days. Most of the day he would spend crying. He hated the Village, all but the florist. He said goodbye to his Tulip and flew to town. When he arrived he broke into the Butcher's shop, and stole a knife. He quickly went to the process of killing everyone in sight. When he got to the florist.

"Did the poison not work?" She asked as he walked up.

"It worked fine, it killed the plant just like I wanted, thank you." He relied extending his hand.

"It was supposed to kill you," She said as Edward, Enraged killed her...

Edward went home, saw his Tulip was withering, and broke the pot on the ground, grabbed his poison and drank every last drop, killing himself.

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Moral of the story, is don't ever make fun of a fairy... you could and probably will... DIE! Thank you for reading. Again this was all a joke


	2. Jacob and the sunflower

_**A/n **This is a sequel to Edward and the tulip... Which is the little chapter thingy in front of this one... feel free to read it as well. I present to you Jacob and the sunflower._

One day... Jacob... a small dwarf... heard about what happened in the happy little village where Edward lived... Jacob thought it was a stupid idea... falling in love with a flower... he never thought anything like this could ever happen to... him... Until he met the Sunflower... Now the sunflower... had been with every other flower in sight... (yes that means it's one of those) Jacob saw the sunflower and he believed in love at first sight... so he fell deep for the flower... now the sunflower... who had been around EVERY other flower... (you thought I was gonna say that the sunflower was a whore... well your wrong) it was just a friendly flower that was friends with everyone... there was only one problem... the sunflower was Jewish... and Jacob didn't like Jews, he didn't really have a reason...

But he decided to put his beliefs aside for his love... when he finally got the courage to walk up to the flower... it started talking in Hebrew... Jacob not knowing Hebrew just said yes and no... and shook his head... this lead to some problems... you see the sunflower was blind... (Little play on words there... you see... well the sunflower doesn't) So the sunflower just kept looking at him, and talking in that creepy language... So the sunflower thinking that Jacob was gone... because well he wasn't talking to her... walked away. (yeah It's impossible so what) Jacob became extremely sad (see where this is going) he went home...

Drank himself some nice cold milk, laid down on his bed... and drifted off to sleep... Jacob had the weirdest dream he had ever had that night... he was in space... and there were little space ships, and asteroids... and meteors... and a space station... and giants dressed in pure white... and they carried guns... and did all kinds of weird jumping stuff... Jacob walked slowly in his dream, afraid of hitting one of the giants... he sat down on a nearby rock and began to think his life through... he thought about the girl he knew the night before... and how she left him, and how he needed to turn the page, and how he needed to get over her... although he never really knew the girl... never knew her name, where she was from... what in the world she was talking about... or anything...

Jacob awoke in the morning to see that it was pitch black outside... and the moon was still up... and when he looked at his clock it had Hebrew words and letters... Jacob went crazy and the shock awoke him from his dream... he looked outside and there were thousands of sunflowers... all speaking hebrew at once... this caused Jacob to awaken from this dream, and create an evil alter ego named Adolf... he then decided to hunt down his Jewish sunflower (yes that is a joke about Hitler... just turned to not as evil...) He then jumped out of bed being awoken from yet another dream...

Jacob decided to pinch himself this time... feeling no pain he took a cement block and broke his hand... feeling lots of pain he realized that he was awake, and that he pinched like a little girl... so he ran outside... and ran to... the grocery store... Once inside he grabbed stuff for a picnic... He grabbed bread, sandwich meat... and several other objects, and went to go find his new love...

Upon finding his new love he went up to her grabbed her hand (or leaf) and drug her out of the ground and to a shady tree... where they enjoyed their picnic... until they got to the last item of food... (drum roll here) (continue drum roll) (...a little more) (just a little more) (almost there) SUNFLOWER SEEDS! Jacob wasn't thinking about what it could of done, he didn't think it would matter... until he saw his Jewish sunflowers face go from a colorful smiley face... into a pale... sad face... Jacob done all he could to save his love... but he forgot one thing... he pulled her out of the ground... which lead to her dying. After seeing the love of his life, turn from a happy sunflower... to a dead shriveled sunflower... Jacob lost his mind... and went to his house... grabbed a knife... (drum roll)

Cut himself another piece of ham, made another sandwich... and then went to bed... he never thought of the sunflower again... until two days later when the police arrested him for murder... THE END!

_** A/N **Enjoy... and just for a future reference...I completely Bullshitted this story trying to annoy the hell out of a friend... it didn't work. :/_


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